Move, bitch, get out the way.

With my recent trips every weekend coupled with my 25 minute each way daily commute, I’ve been spending a lot of time in my car lately. This excess interaction with my lovely little 92 Honda Accord that I bought when I was a junior in high school has created a few effects.

First of all, I’ve developed some severe road rage. And I mean severe. For most of my driving history my horn has remained pretty much untouched. Nowadays though, I have the urge to hold it down until my thumbs burn holes straight through. I’ve started to literally shout things at people driving slow ahead of me while alone in my car. I’ve even resorted to giving cars the finger as I pass them on the highway!

I’ve just never felt this intense road rage before! Anybody that gets in my way, I want to plow into them and then punch them in the face and then keep driving. When people are in the lane all the way to the left and driving 70 mph it infuriates me. Yes, I understand that the speed limit is 65 on major highways and yes I realize that 70 mph is technically driving fast and that if I’m driving faster than that it may not be the best decision. BUT when people just sit in the left lane going a steady 70, I want to kill them. JUST MOVE OVER. Why do they feel the need to just sit there and have people move to the middle/right lane to go around them? MOVE OVER.

It especially makes me mad if it is a 2-lane highway and two cars will just sit going around 70 right next to each other so I can’t move around them. Seriously, people need to get a clue and realize that me riding their ass isn’t because I want to analyze their license plate. I am doing that to give you a hint to get the fuck out of my way before I rear end you and push you out of the way. Sometimes I feel like people are trying to make it their job to regulate the speed limit on the highway so they sit in the left lane at 70. But what I have to say to that is, if I want to speed, I’m going to speed, so just don’t be a douche bag and move so that I don’t have to make it MY JOB to rip my steering wheel out of my car and throw it at you.

With that all being said, let it be known that I am still a big pussy. I’ve held back my horn honking urges almost completely (only a few times have I honked a tiny bit). My shouting in the car is never while looking at a fellow driver and would probably be mistaken by anybody that noticed as me singing along. And whenever I am flipping someone off, I do it holding my hand low so that nobody can see it (it just gives me satisfaction to do it).

A few weeks ago I heard some story about how a guy got so pissed off in traffic he got out of his car with a giant gun and shot a ton of people. Shit like that TERRIFIES me and I don’t want to get caught up in a situation like that so I don’t want to piss others off while driving. So I still am really careful to contain my road rage, or at least not let other drivers know that I want to side swipe them and leave them in a ditch.

Another result of my driving, specifically my commute, is that I now recognize all of the tollbooth workers. I know what time (approximately) the shifts change, which days of the week I can expect to see certain people, and which booth certain people will be in. I’ve gotten so used to the routine that this morning I was totally thrown off when the usual older man who is there on my way to work wasn’t! Since I see these people regularly, I’ve gotten the urge to ask them their names. Would that be weird? I feel like it totally would but I just think that my morning and their mornings would be so much more enjoyable if when I drove through I was able to say, “Good morning Joe! How are the kids?” Instead of just, “Thanks!” and driving away. I think I just might give it a whirl and see how it goes.

And lets go full disclosure here and I’ll be totally honest with you internet world… I sort of have a crush on one of the tollbooth workers. He is kind of cute and I may or may not have slight daydreams about him. Nothing real serious, because all I know of him is the 15 seconds it takes me every day to drive through the toll. But I started to think that I dunno… maybe one day instead of just handing me the ticket, he slips me a note along with the ticket telling me about how he waits all morning for me to drive through and then spends the rest of the day wondering about where I was driving to, what I do, and who I spend my days with. Then I would start writing him little notes back and find out about his life. We’d have this romantic courting relationship through love notes but our face to face reaction would be limited and we’d be torn from each other’s gaze due to lines of honking cars behind me as I was forced to press on the gas and drive away from him yet again.

Hey a girl can daydream can’t she?