A sobering day.

Yes, I called my day sobering, and no, it had nothing to do with recovering from too much alcohol consumption (wow, I'm a grown up).

I've been flying pretty high on life lately. I've been very happy. Not a ridiculously goofy, newly in love type happy or anything like that... but a sustainable happy. A happy with ups and downs but a general total satisfaction with life and where I'm going in it type of happy.

I'd still say that I am on that track, but today was the lowest day thus far. I cried this morning. I felt like crying a few times throughout the day. I didn't want to be at work. I didn't want to be smiling. I didn't want to be thinking or be with people. Ideally, I wanted to get into bed, curl up, and cry. And after crying for a little, have someone come and cuddle me, and just spend the day like that.

Instead I had to put on my game face and entertain a pack of retirees and tour them through the facility where I work. Anybody who has ever experienced feeling completely defeated and lost on the inside and has had to put on their complete and total bubbly game face for hours on end knows how completely DRAINING it is.

Today was the first day in the 5 months that I've been at my job that I was just numb and that I almost just didn't care to be professional. I almost just didn't care to be a grown up. I almost just didn't care to let myself be seen as anything but positive and tough and always on top. Almost.

It nearly broke me but I kept up the act for the day. Like I said in my title, it was sobering. Things aren't going to be great every day... welcome to the real world.

It is weird, having tons of people to talk to and being with people ALL DAY, but feeling like you have nobody to talk to.

T minus one week until election day! Although this video isn't too convincing, I like it a lot and think it is cute... especially since it has my favorite boys, Zox, playing in the background (look them up-- www.zoxband.com).

Little changes

Sometimes I think about how EVERYTHING could be different if one slight thing changed. I imagine how one little decision could alter the entire way that I live my life.

What if I hadn't heard about this job and decided to randomly apply for it? What if I didn't sit next to Chiara on the airplane on the way to Florence? What if I had skipped happy hour that one time and hadn't met the Chemist, who has now introduced me to all of my friends at work? What if I had decided to drop pledging from my sorority?

Or what about changes that aren't my decision but others... all my best friends from home are right now located throughout the major cities of the east coast. One in Boston, one in Chicago, one in NYC, and one in Washington D.C. However, for a little while during senior year of college, Teenie was interviewing for a position with my same company at a location 10 minutes away from where I work and Heart was looking at grad schools in this city. What if they'd made those decisions and instead of moving here alone, I'd moved here with Teenie and Heart and the 3 of us lived together? What if Smack had taken the job that was offered to her by last summer's internship and she lived in NYC with K8?

It is sometimes fun to think through these different little paths that life could have taken us on. Although sometimes, it can just be dangerous as well. Did anybody else ever read those books with alternative endings when they were younger? At the end of each chapter, you'd make a decision as to how the character could act and it would direct you a certain page and you'd keep reading on to see what happens. If at the end of the story, you aren't happy with the way things turned our, or if you were just curious as to what would have happened if you went the other way, you could start over and find out.

I'm kind of happy that real life isn't like that. Although scary, each and every decision we make can't be undone. There is no flipping to the beginning of a certain chapter and starting over. Even if you are lucky enough to be able to have the opportunity to try things again or take another stab at something... it will never change that original decision you made.

Just some food for thought...

For your viewing pleasure...

Why I love Barack Obama...



Why I love Gawker...
http://gawker.com/5064077/mccains-senior-moments

Why I love Jon Stewart...
http://gawker.com/5063834/tired-old-john-mccain-just-recycling-speeches-at-this-point

Credit check.

I want to talk, or write I guess, a little about credit. And I don't mean credit cards, or credit ratings, or anything financial. I mean being ascribed with something, being aknowledged for something that was done or something that happened, and I want to talk about it when you get credit for something in a good light.

What is it worth? Do we really need it? How do you feel when someone else gets credit for something you accomplished? What do you do when you get credit for something someone else did?

I'm not really sure what the answers to these questions are, but it is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. Issues like this have come up at work and in social life. And it hasn't been anything big but it little things have happened that have made me stop and think.

I know this is vague... I know I'm proposing a lot of questions and not even really telling you all what I'm thinking or why I'm thinking it. What it sort of comes down to is being noticed. I wonder sometimes if the things I'm doing are being noticed. And I wonder sometimes about the ideas that I have that are carried out by someone else, are they getting credit that I deserve? I am really not lacking in getting credit. I think that people at work are recognizing that I am working hard and that I have some great ideas that are making a difference. I like that getting that aknowledgement but I don't do things for the aknowledgement.

However, when I pass ideas on to be helpful, I do feel a little jealous when I don't get the credit. SO what does that mean?

Facebook Apps!

40 Most Useful Facebook Applications

According to some other people.

What does everybody else think??

It is late now and I want to go to bed but I want to come back and explore and discuss Facebook, its applications, and its uses.

Back at it.

Back at it. Back to blogging. Back to dieting. Back to staying in touch. Back to listening to my own mind. Back to counting points. Back to improving myself. Back to being my best. Back to seeing the scale go down. Back to writing. Back to taking care of myself-- physically and mentally.

It is definitely time.

Has anybody else ever had the feeling where you are so busy and having fun all of the time but somehow, you still feel a little bit lonely? And you still feel sort of empty inside?

And it has nothing to do with the people you are spending time with or the things you are doing-- because both of which are great. But, you just feel like somethings missing?