How would you all feel if someone said this to you.
"You're too young to settle for mediocre."
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Confused.
Should I live in the moment... and risk screwing something up for the future? Or should I put off something in the moment and hold out for something that is only a "could be" in the future?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I have a hard time making eye contact.
I do when I need to. Interviews. Public speaking. Trying to make a point or convince someone that I’m telling the truth.
But in normal conversation, especially normal conversation with someone I feel close with, I have a really hard time keeping eye contact. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. I think maybe I’m scared that people will see something in me that I’m not ready to share.
I have a very expressive face. That was told to me once and it is something that I have been horribly apparent of since. And anybody who has ever had an in depth conversation with me or been around me for a little while will be able to say the same thing. Poker face? Doesn’t exist with me.
As for the eye contact thing. I feel like it probably looks pretty weird to others who are trying to have a one on one conversation with me and my eyes are darting around. So I'm trying to work on making eye contact more in conversation. The problem is eye contact with boys I have crushes on makes me blush... and I sort of have crushes on everybody right now.
Oh to be 22 years old.
I do when I need to. Interviews. Public speaking. Trying to make a point or convince someone that I’m telling the truth.
But in normal conversation, especially normal conversation with someone I feel close with, I have a really hard time keeping eye contact. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. I think maybe I’m scared that people will see something in me that I’m not ready to share.
I have a very expressive face. That was told to me once and it is something that I have been horribly apparent of since. And anybody who has ever had an in depth conversation with me or been around me for a little while will be able to say the same thing. Poker face? Doesn’t exist with me.
As for the eye contact thing. I feel like it probably looks pretty weird to others who are trying to have a one on one conversation with me and my eyes are darting around. So I'm trying to work on making eye contact more in conversation. The problem is eye contact with boys I have crushes on makes me blush... and I sort of have crushes on everybody right now.
Oh to be 22 years old.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A sobering day.
Yes, I called my day sobering, and no, it had nothing to do with recovering from too much alcohol consumption (wow, I'm a grown up).
I've been flying pretty high on life lately. I've been very happy. Not a ridiculously goofy, newly in love type happy or anything like that... but a sustainable happy. A happy with ups and downs but a general total satisfaction with life and where I'm going in it type of happy.
I'd still say that I am on that track, but today was the lowest day thus far. I cried this morning. I felt like crying a few times throughout the day. I didn't want to be at work. I didn't want to be smiling. I didn't want to be thinking or be with people. Ideally, I wanted to get into bed, curl up, and cry. And after crying for a little, have someone come and cuddle me, and just spend the day like that.
Instead I had to put on my game face and entertain a pack of retirees and tour them through the facility where I work. Anybody who has ever experienced feeling completely defeated and lost on the inside and has had to put on their complete and total bubbly game face for hours on end knows how completely DRAINING it is.
Today was the first day in the 5 months that I've been at my job that I was just numb and that I almost just didn't care to be professional. I almost just didn't care to be a grown up. I almost just didn't care to let myself be seen as anything but positive and tough and always on top. Almost.
It nearly broke me but I kept up the act for the day. Like I said in my title, it was sobering. Things aren't going to be great every day... welcome to the real world.
It is weird, having tons of people to talk to and being with people ALL DAY, but feeling like you have nobody to talk to.
I've been flying pretty high on life lately. I've been very happy. Not a ridiculously goofy, newly in love type happy or anything like that... but a sustainable happy. A happy with ups and downs but a general total satisfaction with life and where I'm going in it type of happy.
I'd still say that I am on that track, but today was the lowest day thus far. I cried this morning. I felt like crying a few times throughout the day. I didn't want to be at work. I didn't want to be smiling. I didn't want to be thinking or be with people. Ideally, I wanted to get into bed, curl up, and cry. And after crying for a little, have someone come and cuddle me, and just spend the day like that.
Instead I had to put on my game face and entertain a pack of retirees and tour them through the facility where I work. Anybody who has ever experienced feeling completely defeated and lost on the inside and has had to put on their complete and total bubbly game face for hours on end knows how completely DRAINING it is.
Today was the first day in the 5 months that I've been at my job that I was just numb and that I almost just didn't care to be professional. I almost just didn't care to be a grown up. I almost just didn't care to let myself be seen as anything but positive and tough and always on top. Almost.
It nearly broke me but I kept up the act for the day. Like I said in my title, it was sobering. Things aren't going to be great every day... welcome to the real world.
It is weird, having tons of people to talk to and being with people ALL DAY, but feeling like you have nobody to talk to.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
T minus one week until election day! Although this video isn't too convincing, I like it a lot and think it is cute... especially since it has my favorite boys, Zox, playing in the background (look them up-- www.zoxband.com).
Monday, October 27, 2008
Little changes
Sometimes I think about how EVERYTHING could be different if one slight thing changed. I imagine how one little decision could alter the entire way that I live my life.
What if I hadn't heard about this job and decided to randomly apply for it? What if I didn't sit next to Chiara on the airplane on the way to Florence? What if I had skipped happy hour that one time and hadn't met the Chemist, who has now introduced me to all of my friends at work? What if I had decided to drop pledging from my sorority?
Or what about changes that aren't my decision but others... all my best friends from home are right now located throughout the major cities of the east coast. One in Boston, one in Chicago, one in NYC, and one in Washington D.C. However, for a little while during senior year of college, Teenie was interviewing for a position with my same company at a location 10 minutes away from where I work and Heart was looking at grad schools in this city. What if they'd made those decisions and instead of moving here alone, I'd moved here with Teenie and Heart and the 3 of us lived together? What if Smack had taken the job that was offered to her by last summer's internship and she lived in NYC with K8?
It is sometimes fun to think through these different little paths that life could have taken us on. Although sometimes, it can just be dangerous as well. Did anybody else ever read those books with alternative endings when they were younger? At the end of each chapter, you'd make a decision as to how the character could act and it would direct you a certain page and you'd keep reading on to see what happens. If at the end of the story, you aren't happy with the way things turned our, or if you were just curious as to what would have happened if you went the other way, you could start over and find out.
I'm kind of happy that real life isn't like that. Although scary, each and every decision we make can't be undone. There is no flipping to the beginning of a certain chapter and starting over. Even if you are lucky enough to be able to have the opportunity to try things again or take another stab at something... it will never change that original decision you made.
Just some food for thought...
What if I hadn't heard about this job and decided to randomly apply for it? What if I didn't sit next to Chiara on the airplane on the way to Florence? What if I had skipped happy hour that one time and hadn't met the Chemist, who has now introduced me to all of my friends at work? What if I had decided to drop pledging from my sorority?
Or what about changes that aren't my decision but others... all my best friends from home are right now located throughout the major cities of the east coast. One in Boston, one in Chicago, one in NYC, and one in Washington D.C. However, for a little while during senior year of college, Teenie was interviewing for a position with my same company at a location 10 minutes away from where I work and Heart was looking at grad schools in this city. What if they'd made those decisions and instead of moving here alone, I'd moved here with Teenie and Heart and the 3 of us lived together? What if Smack had taken the job that was offered to her by last summer's internship and she lived in NYC with K8?
It is sometimes fun to think through these different little paths that life could have taken us on. Although sometimes, it can just be dangerous as well. Did anybody else ever read those books with alternative endings when they were younger? At the end of each chapter, you'd make a decision as to how the character could act and it would direct you a certain page and you'd keep reading on to see what happens. If at the end of the story, you aren't happy with the way things turned our, or if you were just curious as to what would have happened if you went the other way, you could start over and find out.
I'm kind of happy that real life isn't like that. Although scary, each and every decision we make can't be undone. There is no flipping to the beginning of a certain chapter and starting over. Even if you are lucky enough to be able to have the opportunity to try things again or take another stab at something... it will never change that original decision you made.
Just some food for thought...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
For your viewing pleasure...
Why I love Barack Obama...
Why I love Gawker...
http://gawker.com/5064077/mccains-senior-moments
Why I love Jon Stewart...
http://gawker.com/5063834/tired-old-john-mccain-just-recycling-speeches-at-this-point
Why I love Gawker...
http://gawker.com/5064077/mccains-senior-moments
Why I love Jon Stewart...
http://gawker.com/5063834/tired-old-john-mccain-just-recycling-speeches-at-this-point
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